Double Edged Sword

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Double Edged Sword


Life is one hard act to balance. Later in life my good friend Jeremy Smith taught me how to look at the other side of things. I usually call every situation a double edged sword though, instead of “balance”, because I always unknowingly lean to one side until it cuts me. I know no middle. If it’s worth doing, I go all in. Which means my highs are high and my lows are low. This applies to every one of us, in pretty much everything. Lean too much to one side and you get cut. And I never know I’m leaning too hard until I’m bleeding.

Lean too hard into your career and you’ll neglect relationships. Now I’m lonely. Lean too hard into those relationships and you’ll loathe working. Now I want a vacation. Okay Jake let’s discipline ourselves with a routine to help balance things. Two weeks later I feel like I’m stuck in a rut.

Welcome to my life. Sometimes I feel like I’m bouncing through the days and months. I’d love to sit here and tell you I’m blazing my own trail, but that’s not the case. I’m hitting every clothes line on the way down like Jackie Chan in the movies.

One week I’m reading my Bible and praying hard every morning, and the next week I realize I can’t force a relationship with God. It’s so frustrating. I want to be in control. I don’t like uncertainty. I want to anticipate what’s around the next corner. I’m trying to make plans for my life God, step out the way I got this. Then when I hit bottom I’m praying “God where you at I need you!!!!!”

The more I try to distance myself from fear and hurt, the more closed off I am to joy and adventure. That’s the double edged sword.

You can’t have intimacy with all butterflies and no fights. You can’t own a high end car without paying for the maintenance. There’s always two sides.

I dated a girl whose family was the picture perfect “American Dream.” Dad ran a successful business, they had two houses, new cars, nice clothes, etc. But the longer I was around them the more I sensed discontentment. Why though? They had everything. The mom didn’t have to work, drove a Mercedes, had maids to clean the house, and money to do whatever she wanted. She had everything – except respect for her husband. She ran over him all the time. Her son was always off doing drugs at music festivals. The dad was too busy to lead his family. And after I broke up with his daughter, she ran straight back to an ex who cheated on her.

They had everything – except the things that mattered most.

Jesus wasn’t over exaggerating when he said Sin fully developed leads to death. When do we say enough is enough? We need just a little bit more, then we will be happy right?

We will tiptoe a cliff for things that have no true value at all. We will spend so much time trying to make our social media selves look amazing. Grab our selfie sticks, take about 3,396,210 photos, then crop and filter the best one. Only to be forgotten tomorrow. Only to impress who? And why? We are leaning hard, and bleeding out.

We have been disconnected from our Creator who knows us better than ourselves. Take one step back, look at the bigger picture – the destructive cycle we wrap ourselves in – we cannot balance life on our own.

We need help. We need something more than the world has to offer.

Proverbs 3:5-6

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